Planning the Day by Jennifer M Gardiner 17 June 2021

I look at the door but I cannot go out

If I tried he would grab me, and probably shout

to stay where I am, so I haven’t a choice

but to buckle under, and obey his voice

The children are restless they sense all’s not right

I try to stay calm and not risk a fight

Crush the urge to scream ’”leave me alone”

Take back my family, my pride, and my phone

Look up old friends I’m forbidden to see

Try and salvage the optimistic old me

Before they had school to escape from this hell

but now with the virus, they are stuck in as well

They don’t understand why he rages like this

Very rarely a cuddle or a spontaneous kiss

Like me they’re conditioned never to tell

Just give the impression that all is well

Cover the bruises that appear every day

If not, a heavy price to pay

So now with no school runs or shopping to do

This lockdown has much changed our lives,

Our escape for a brief time is over

stay compliant if we wish to survive

Neighbours don’t realize the situation we’re in

Trapped with this menacing bully within,

He waves at them, smiles, then unlocks his door

To repeat his transgressions, more and more

His release was the pub, where he drowned his sorrows

For me it was respite, before the tomorrow

but before that the demands of his conjugal rights

that are taken whatever, night after night

I was bearing up before the virus hit

Said little to no one as that would admit

what I feared was the truth, there is no way out

Of getting away from this bullying lout

So for most when this virus is over,

they’ll continue with lives as they were

With family and friends, laughter and tears

Not a life like this, unsecure

But for me this lockdown will never end

‘till I muster the courage , and call an unknown friend

For years I’d finally planned out this day

to make my escape and move far away.

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